That Italian Guy
(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
Angry Customer:“Damn f**s.”
Gay Man:“Excuse me?”
Angry Customer:“You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
Gay Man:*quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
Angry Customer:“Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
Angry Customer:*to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
Owner:“I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
Wife:“Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
Owner:“Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
Notes
229433
Posted
1 hour ago

smallgovernment:

at this point I’ve nearly forgotten that pirating movies and software is illegal

(Source: exeggcute, via gnarly)

Notes
238527
Posted
7 hours ago

burningveins (via perfect)

(Source: barbiedupp, via perfect)

A strong man can handle a strong woman. A weak man will say she has an attitude.
Notes
197033
Posted
7 hours ago

41st:

i feel bad for 5’11 boys like u were so close. u almost made it.

(Source: lawngreen, via crystallized-teardrops)

Notes
272992
Posted
7 hours ago
xv7:

y’all r gettin way too accurate with these it’s scaring me

xv7:

y’all r gettin way too accurate with these it’s scaring me

(Source: coachcrewneck, via cheetahprint-versace-llama)

Notes
44133
Posted
7 hours ago
dankotaxvx:

hey mom my friends are here, ill be back later

dankotaxvx:

hey mom my friends are here, ill be back later

(Source: gatta-cicova, via spliffprincess)

Notes
97214
Posted
7 hours ago

lion:

when you open the fridge after your mom went grocery shopping

(via cecilstrophy)

Notes
190526
Posted
12 hours ago

internetmessiah:

Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?

(via heart)

Notes
212273
Posted
15 hours ago